Shirou Summons A Harem
by ADdude
Summary: The 5th Holy Grails starts and Shirou gets caught up in it with his Servants? Wait-Servants as in plural? The would be hero accidentally summons several servants. Shirou must deal with not only the war but several female moving into his home, some desire the grail and it's wish, some want love, some want treasure, some power, some food and some might just use Shirou.
1. Chapter 1:Summons

**Shirou Summons A Harem**

**The 5th Holy Grails starts and Shirou gets caught up in it with his Servants? Wait-Servants as in plural? The would be hero accidentally summons several servants. Shirou must deal with not only the war but several female moving into his home, some desire the grail and it's wish, some want love, some want treasure, some power, some food and some might just use Shirou.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the fate series or any of its elements.**

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><p>Chapter 01: Summons<p>

Shirou Emiya was a young man that wanted to be a hero. He was certainly helpful, almost to a fault. Honestly people had taken advantage of him so people like his teacher and his boss often kept and eye on him for that.

He lived along since his father had passed away. An associate of his father, Raiga, managed his father's money for him. Overall he lived a simple life, except for the fact that he was a below average magus he was pretty normal.

Then this happened:

Shirou woke up with a small girl with white hair and red eyes poking his stomach. "Onii-chan, wake up."

Shirou looked at her for a moment, maybe it was because he was half asleep but he decided he was still dreaming. He blinked at her before he went back to sleep.

"Wake up!" She yelled and kicked him in his side.

"Ow!" He rubbed his side. "What was that about?" He didn't know what was happening since he not only lived alone he didn't have a sister, as far as he knew. "Who are you?"

"I'm sorry." She gave him a small bow. "I didn't introduce myself, I am Illyasviel Von Einzenbern and this is my servant Berserker."

Berserker materialized before him or maybe Shirou was so sleepy he hadn't noticed him before, Shirou still was a bit sleepy and still not sure this wasn't all some sort of strange dream.

Berserker was a mountain of a man, more muscles than anything else holding a large stone club.

"My servant is the greatest hero in Greek History, Hercules." She crossed her arms and held her head proudly. "Be proud to know such a hero will claim your life."

"Illyas-" Shirou started.

"Just call me Ilya, there is no need to be formal now."

"Ilya, why are you doing this?"

"Don't need to be coy, onii-chan. We both know this was going to happen sooner or later I'm just choosing sooner. I promise you that your death will be quick and I won't go after any of your friends. Just die peacefully knowing that. Now this is really the time you should start running."

As if reacting to a silent command Berserker let out a horrid roar. Shirou bolted up as he ran as fast as his feet would go. A good bit of his home was torn apart by the massive Berserker as they ran. Finally Shirou left the confines of his home and ran towards the shed. He hoped that he could close the door and provide some defense against the man and if failing that he might find a makeshift weapon. Not that any of that would help but he was trying something.

Berserker trashed around and the ground shook as Shirou tripped. Soon he looked up to find the man and small girl standing near him.

"I expected more from you." Ilya told him. "I will keep my word, your death will be painless. Berserker Kill him and make it quick. Shirou Emiya die and be at peace."

Berserker held up his club to finish him. Shirou didn't want to die, there were things to do and he yet to become a hero like he promised his father in his last moments.

Her felt a surge run through his body, he guess his bodies last ditch effort to try and survive. He felt a cold wind pass over him as the club swung down.

Shirou closed his eyes but then realized he wasn't dead. He should be dead since people die when they are killed.

He forced open his eyes and he was surprised by what he found.

Eleven young woman stood around him protecting him from the giant stone club.

A young blonde girl about his age with a blue dress and silver armor held a an invisible sword against the club. A similar girl with her long blonde hair down in long braids, she too had armor on and used her sword to aid the other girl. Seeing how much they looked alike Shirou assumed that they were sisters. After a second Shirou assumed the second girl being the older one.

Another young woman with a strange mace like weapon held against the club. She was lovely with reddish hair and white bride like outfit with a black veil falling behind her head. A gold like horn stood on her forehead.

A woman with long purple hair wore a blindfold as he chain like weapon wrapped around the club. Shirou couldn't help but notice her incredible body and her tight and short dress made noticing it easier.

A black and silver lance was pointed at the huge man's neck. The wielder of the lance was a girl about Shirou's age with a black and white gothic lolita like dress. In her hair stood out what Shirou wasn't sure if they were some sort of head pieces to keep her small pig tails in place or actual horns. A long form like tail swung behind her and made Shirou suspect it they were real horns.

A girl in a verdant green dress that seemed somewhat playful yet regal. She had a beastly glint and her long unkempt hair only brought that out more. Her long light brown hair had green bangs at the ends of her hair. To Shirou she looked like a fairy out of some sort of story because of the cat like ear sticking out of her hair and the matching tail she had. She held a black bow with gold trimmings and an arrow ready to shoot at Berserker's face.

In front of Shirou stood a tall woman with long red hair and a matching red coat, the coat was button up but it was still rather revealing. She had ocean blue eyes and a scar running diagonally across her face. She wore long white pants that showed off her shapely legs as did the black boots she wore. She held out a pair of flintlock pistols aimed at the giant before her.

Standing next to the woman in red was a woman wearing an old style blue kimono like outfit except that it was far more revealing that Shirou would have expected. The woman was young and seemed have an open and bubbly personality though she stood before Shirou as if ready to protect him. A mirror floated before and it seemed like she was planning to use it as a shield. That was when Shirou noted that she had a large thick fox like tail and a pair of fox like ears sticking out of her pink hair. Slowly she helped Shirou get back on his feet.

Standing besides Shirou was a pale skinned woman with silvery eyes and pointy elf like ears. She wore a black elegant dress that went along with her long black hair. She had an air of nobility along with an air of raw power.

The other side stood a tall woman with long dark purple hair she held out a dagger ready to use it. A skull like mask covered her face. She had a toned body, she wore black tight clothing and in the dark of the night her brown skin almost looked as black as the night.

A woman wearing a dark cloak stood by him not speaking and since her cloak hid her face Shirou was unable to make any reaction she might have to what was happening. Still Shirou could sense power from her, the type of magical ability he was sure he'd never have.

"What?" Ilya took a step back. "1,2,3,4" She counted on her fingers."7, 8,9, 10, 11?!" She ran out of fingers and that was a bit distressing.

Ilya was more than a little surprised not only had Shirou summoned a servant, not only had he summoned multiple servants, he summoned more the holy grail allowed for the whole war. "It looks like I underestimated you." She turned to her servant. "Berserker let's fall back."

Berserker threw the other servants off him and grabbed his master and ran for it. There were too many unknowns and it was just too dangers. As they raced out of sight Ilya stuck her tongue at Shirou in a very childish and annoyed fashion.

As they left the eleven servants turned to one another staring each other down as testing each others valor.

After a short moment they turned their attention back to Shirou.

They all asked the same question, "Are you my master?"

The moment was electrified as if this was a moment that would forever alter the course of his life.

Eleven beautiful woman had just asked him that question and Shirou felt his cheeks turned red. "Ah… okay, what's going on?"

Somewhere outside of what some would call space and time the Holy Grail sensed the events unfold.

The consciousness behind the grail thought, "Damn, I meant to send him only one!"

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><p><strong>Authors Notes: okay, so I started this fic to try to shake me out a bit a writers block with another fate fic. Anyway, since Shirou seems to draw girls to him I figured just start of with the harem. I just wanted to write a fun and funny fic with Shirou dealing with several servants with their own goals and the fact that most people are going to assume he build a harem. With wacky adventure as he tries to get through the war. Like fate series mixed with three company but like 12 or so. I've taken character from many fate series to build this group and this is a set up but I hope you guys found it funny. Anyway here the list, I've used some other classes besides the normal seven so taking some liberties with the normal rules.<strong>

_Saber: Arthuria Pendragon (King Arthur)_

_Saver: Joan of Arc (Jeanne d'Arc)_

_Archer: Atalanta_

_Lancer: Elizabeth Bathory_

_Caster: Medea Princess of Colchis_

_Rider: Medusa_

_Berserker: Frankenstein_

_Assassin: Asako (Hassan-i-Sabbah)_

_Temptress: Semiramis Wise Queen of Assyria_

_Shielder: Tamamo-No-Mae_

_Gunner: Francis Drake_

**And because I know it will come up, Asako is the name of the female assassin as revealed in the capsule servants and figured I would go with it. I know some of these classes aren't well defined and sound a bit of stretch but lets go with it for now. When things get going I hope they work. Okay, thanks for reading.**

**Note: A lot of people have been asking me things. Let me say this: This is not meant to be taken seriously it's going to be absurd on purpose for the funny.**


	2. Chapter 2: Guests

**Shirou Summons A Harem**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the fate series or any of its elements.**

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><p>Chapter 02: Guests<p>

Shirou was having a rough time of it, he had just found out he was thrown into a magical war and somehow summoned eleven women as his servants. Now they all sat around his dinner table.

The woman with the cloak had lowered her hood to reveal blueish hair and pointed elf like hears. She had called herself Caster, "This is truly strange. For each Grail War there should only be seven servants. One had already been summoned. Even if they hadn't been summoned you shouldn't be able to summon more than one much less summon more than the number allowed."

She had no idea what happened.

"That might not be bad though. Who cares how it happened?" The red haired woman with the red coat had called herself Gunner started to talk. "If we only have to fight one person we could win this pretty quickly."

The woman in the long black dress and silvery eyes named herself Temptress, "There is also the issue of our power. Our master seems somewhat lacking in power and is unable to support us properly. We are all weaker for it and it seems to have affected our ability to take spiritual form."

The red haired girl with the horns spoke in a way that made her seem older, "That will certainly make the battle more difficult even if we could manage to fight as one."

"There is always the option of going the others servant's master." The woman with the long purple ponytail had removed her skull mask to revealed a stern yet beautiful face. She had identified herself as Assassin.

"Berserker's master was only a child." The fox girl with a green dress, now known as Archer, glared at Assassin. "I will not attack a child."

The servant with the blind fold spoke up, "I don't think our master knows what he wants."

"I'm sorry." Shirou couldn't help but apologize. "I've just been thrown into all this and I'm still trying to let it all sink in."

"Don't worry Master!" The fox girl with the mirror cheered. "I have faith in you." She happily tugged his arm closer to hers.

"Thanks Shielder." Shirou replied with a smile.

"You may count on all of us." The servant in the white dressed said with a soft and gentle tone.

"Thanks…. I'm sorry I didn't get your name."

"I am your servant Berserker."

"Berserker?" Caster questioned. "Wasn't the attacking servant a Berserker? But Berserker's can't talk, their class trait is they falls into madness in return for power. They lose the ability to speak."

"I don't know what to tell you." Berserker told her.

Caster started to wonder if the improper summoning for all of them at once affected Berserkers madness.

"I think we have something else to worry about first." One of the two sword woman spoke, the one with the long braid she had called herself Saver. "There are a large gaps in the walls."

The other one known as Saber pointed to them. "They are rather large holes in our defense. It would make it easy to sneak in or launch an attack."

"I should be able to take care of that easily." Caster suggested. "I just need a few moments."

Shirou's eyes started to glimmer, "Thank you! I have some people coming over in the morning and I already don't know how I'm supposed to explain this much less clean this all up."

Shielder looked over to Shirou who seemed to fail to notice her pressing her chest next to him, "Would you like some help cleaning up?"

"Yes, that would be great."

Temptress mused out loud, "I suppose that would be a new experience for me. I'm used to being served rather than serving. It could be interesting."

Temptress had high charisma she could win over Shirou. She wasn't sure about this war but there was a chance that she would need to beat the other servants so having Shirou on her side would certainly help.

Caster used her magic to repair the damage to the house quickly. After they started to put back everything back in its proper place.

0000

Rin was about to perform her summoning, she was about to take one of the final steps in a journey that her family had started years ago. Then the phone rang, Rn sighed seeing it was from Kirei.

"What do you want?" Rin answered the phone.

"I was just calling to see what servant you had summoned." Kirei went right to business.

Rin sighed, "I was just about to perform the ritual. I will call you when it's done."

"What? You haven't done it? Why didn't you do it an hour ago when your power is at its strongest?"

"That time is about to come up."

"No, it passed already almost an hour now."

Rin knew the priest was a pain but he had trained her and knew when her power was strongest. She quickly checked her watch and clocks.

"No! My clocks are all an hour backwards! That's okay, I will just do it now. It's not perfect but-"

"All the servants have already been summoned." Kirei's voice wafted out of the phone. "That is why I called you, I had assumed you were one of those to summons a servant."

"All of them? I thought you told me only one had been summoned so far."

"Yes, but the rest had been summoned all at once." Kirei let out a faint chuckle.

"Actually it seems the grail has allowed more summons. This war seems to have twelve servants total instead of the usual seven."

Rin winced, "Twelve? So extra servants and I still didn't get one…"

"So it seems."

Kirei heard something snap.

"MOTHER FU-"

0000

Outside the normal world the grail hung in its own world.

'_Damn, that girl has a foul mouth_.'

0000

Morning had come and the first light of the sun had spread over the city.

Sakura had woken up and made a simple breakfast for her family.

"Okay, I'm off. I'm going to visit Shirou. Don't worry I will get breakfast there."

Shinji smiled, "Of course. Have a good day."

Sakura started to walk away but paused. "Oh grandfather…" her tone started to change, an edge grew on her voice.

Zouken shuddered. "Y-yes?"

Sakura turned around and her shadow grew larger and larger sending a menacing aura around them.

"I really hope we won't have another incident like last night. I would hate to wake up so early for nothing."

Her tone might have seen incident but both Zouken and Shinji shivered.

"No, I don't think so. I'm sorry I wasted your time."

The shadow vanished, "Oh, don't worry silly grandfather. Don't let it happen again." Sakura skipped away.

As she left both of them sighed in relief.

Zouken cursed the day he placed the bits of the last grail in her. Something went wrong, Sakura drew a lot of the power and killed all the worms he had implanted in her and most of his. Now he only had enough to survive.

Overall she was a kind girl but if her family ever upset her they would regret it. For the last ten years they had always been on guard not to upset the girl. Zouken was barely able to persuade her to try and summons a servant. Sadly for him nothing happened, it seemed like all the servants had been summoned. He didn't sleep at all last night after seeing how cranky Sakura was having to wake up so early.

He poked his food hopping not to find anything in it.

0000

They had all finished cleaning up and Shirou had made a large breakfast for everyone and placed it on the table. After all the help they provided this was the least he could do.

"Master," Caster started. "We don't need to eat."

"This is really good." Saber had already started to eat.

"True." Saver had joined her.

"They're right." Shielder had taken a taste of her meal. "It's really tasty."

"Well, I suppose it could help gather some energy we aren't getting from you."

They had all started go eat, Archer smiled gently. "Thank you master."

"You don't have to call me that. You can all just call me Shirou." Shirou smiled at them.

Many of the servants were royalty in life or dine with royalty and they couldn't recall having such a tasty meal like this before. Truly Shirou had talent in the kitchen, some of the servants who were unsure of Shirou as a master decided he would be a great master if just for the meals he could make for them.

Shirou started to speak, "I do have some people coming over soon. They don't know anything about magic so I would rather not get them involved."

"That might be a little difficult." Assassin spoke in a rather calm manner. "None of us are able to return to our spiritual forms and few of us can use presence concealment. I think the simplest solution would be us to hide in the back rooms. You will just need to keep them company and make sure they don't go to where we are hidden."

"Okay, I guess that makes sense." Shirou had to admit to the plan.

Shirou took a moment to notice how his clothes had been torn durning Ilya's attack. "I better get changed."

He noticed Shielder's eyes twitch before she grabbed his arm. "There they are."

Rolling up his sleeve to reveal his command seals and then rolled up his other sleeve.

"What?! Where did they come from?"

"Those are your command seals." Saber said calmly. "Whenever a master summons a servant they gain three command Each represent a command a servant must carry out."

Rider continued, "You use one to make a command and we do it no matter what."

"It might not work well on someone with great magic resistance." Lancer pointed out knowing well one of more of those servants there could resist one even if just a little.

"Still it is a way to keep you safe. If one of should attack you or do something that displeases you can stop us." Temptress told him.

"Like taking control over you? I don't want to do that." Shirou felt horrible at the thought he could take their will away.

Archer began to explain, "The only way to get rid of them would be to break our contract. Ultimately that would cause more harm. Think of them as a tool, used properly they can be used to overcome our limits. They are most powerful when master and servant agree with the command."

Shielder counted the seals and at that point Shielder ripped his shirt. "There you go! Fifteen on each arm and three on his chest. Three for each servant."

Shirou noted the tattoo like form over his arms, they looked like long decorate swords on his arms and a sheath on his chest right over his heart. It reminded him of Yakuza tattoos.

"Someone has been working out. Well, done, boy." Gunner remarked at her master's physique.

"Yeah…" Shielder might have started drooling and her tail was certainly starting to wag.

"Oh my." Saver blushed brightly as she turned her head shyly.

Most of the servants had started to stare at Shirou bare chest, he was ripped.

Saber was still eating before she joined. "Yes, you have done well to train your body." She went back to her rice.

Suddenly Shirou felt uncomfortable, "I'm going to change then."

Shirou quickly left to change.

The group fell to silence quickly.

Lancer cleared her throat and turned to Saber and Saver. "It must be an interesting experience to be summoned along with your sister."

Both girls looked on confused.

Gunner looked on, "Don't be coy, it's clear you're sisters."

Saver shook her head, "We aren't, I had a sister in life but she doesn't look like Saber."

"Ah," Saber cleared her throat as she remembered her sister. "I can tell you confidently that Saver is not anything like my sister."

"Are you sure?" Caster questioned them. "Besides one notably difference you are almost identical."

"What difference would that be?" Saber questioned.

Caster certainly didn't mean the chest, nope, she certainly wasn't going to say anything that might end with a sword through her chest.

There was someone at the door and as polite as they were they had gotten used to just walking in.

Sakura walked and stopped as she found several women around the table.

Her eye twitched, "Ah, excuse me who are you and what are you doing here?"

The servants all blinked unsure of what to say.

Berserker spoke with a casual tone, "We are here to do Master Shirou's doing. We are waiting for him to return from his room. He needed a change of clothes after Shielder tore open his shirt."

"No!" Shielder scolded Berserker. "He doesn't want to be called master. He's not into that."

At that point Sakura's mind went wild with imagination. She could only assume that Shirou started a harem and worst of all failed to invite her to join. She froze unable to come to grips with that.

"Good morning!" Taiga jumped into the house.

After a moment she realized they weren't alone.

0000

Shirou finished changing.

"SHIROU!" He heard the tiger's horrible roar.

He sighed and accepted his faith.

0000

The grail recorded the events, "That kid is so dead. This is going to be a short war."

0000

Sakura was still petrified and Taiga had smacked Shirou on the head.

"Shirou you can't just have several girls in skimpy cosplay at your house!"

Shirou rubbed his head. "Taiga, you got it all wrong."

He hated to lie to Taiga but he certainly didn't want to tell her the truth.

"Then what happening." Taiga glared at the boy.

"They're friends." Shirou said slowly. "I made on the internet."

Ah the internet the solution to all of lives problems.

"Really?" Taiga glared at him. "Why are they here?"

"That's a good question, " Shirou rubbed his hand.

Taiga started to eat her food but continued to glare at him.

He took a breath, "They are cosplayers, they're a cosplayer group from near Tokyo." Shirou came up with the only solution she would by to their outfits. "And they came here because they got a photo shot nearby. I offered them a place to stay so they don't have to pay those expensive hotel bills. It just happened so I forgot to tell you about it."

Taiga focuses her gaze upon the boy she promised to protect. "Shirou, do you really expect me believe that! They can't all be from Tokyo."

Taiga studied them for a moment, she pointed at Shielder, "She might be form Japan but she probably comes from somewhere more traditional like Kyoto." She pointed at Archer, Rider and Caster. "I'm pretty sure you are from Greece." She pointed at Temptress. "My guess would be East Europe." Then she turned to Assassin. "I am going say Persia." She looked at Berserker. "Maybe Switzerland or Germany or France. Central Europe really." Focusing on Lancer. "You are from Hungary." She turned to Saver. "You are definitely France." She turned to Gunner and Saber. "You're both England."

The servants were shocked that the woman guessed the location of their origins, or just about, even with magic that would not have been possible. Those couldn't have just been lucky guesses. No one is that lucky.

Taiga continued, "They're from all over. They can't just be cosplayers. Someone got them together. And why are they dressed like that?"

"They lost their luggage and that's all they had."

Shirou knew it was a weak lie but he didn't have anything else.

"Women don't just arrive in cosplay like that. This isn't an anime." Taiga glanced at how skimpy some of the outfits were. "Women only dress like that when they're….." Taiga seemed to go white.

To Shirou's surprise she put down her chopsticks.

Quickly Taiga grabbed Shirou and started to cry. "Shirou! Where have I gone wrong!? You're to young to do that sort thing?! Much less with eleven women! Why are you paying for it!? How did you even get that much money?!"

Then a snap.

She let go of Shirou and raced to the phone and dialed a number she knew by heart. aS The phone rang she sniffed away the tears. There was only one thing that came to her mind, her pervy grandpa had corrupted Shirou by getting him all these women. She wouldn't have that. "Grandpa!"

She didn't even wait for her grandfather to answer.

"What are you doing hiring women for Shirou?!"

"…." They couldn't hear what he was saying on the phone.

"Yes, Eleven women and I know Shirou doesn't have the money to do that so it had to be you."

"….."

"Okay, maybe but they aren't normal girls."

"….."

"Yes."

"…."

"Yes, like really! Skimpy dress."

"…."

"Yeah, some are really big."

"…."

Yeah, "

",,,,"

"One is probably a dominatrix if the dress and blind fold say anything."

"….."

"I don't know what his kinks are. There are two beast girls, a devil girl and two are wearing armor. I just don't know."

"…."

"Okay, I love you too."

Taiga went back to the table and continued to eat. "He'll be here in a few minutes."

0000

Raiga entered the house, he walked with confidence. The servants could tell this man was dangerous and a duffle bag he carried must have held some importance.

Raiga looked over to his granddaughter, "I will take care of this."

"Thanks gramps."Taiga nodded.

She pushed the still petrified Sakura out the door. "Let's go to Archery club."

Raiga looked over the servant and then to Shirou. "Shirou let's talk in the other room."

Once in the other room Raiga closed the door and sat across Shirou.

The old spoke slowly, "Shirou, I've known you for ten years. When you father died my granddaughter, no my whole family agreed to look after you. I've tried to be fair, making sure you didn't blow through all your money and you had everything you need."

Shirou nodded, he wasn't lying. Shirou knew Raiga was the head of a gang, not a terrible person and he tried to be fair but Shirou knew he had his hands on some illegal dealings.

Raiga sighed, "In all my years…. I never expect to get a call to find out that somehow got all these attractive girls to come over to your house and dress in these revealing outfits."

Shirou looked down.

Then he felt a smack on his back, "I never would have thought you had it in you! Good for you. Just treat them like ladies Shirou. I know better than to think you tricked them or paid them off so I must say I am impressed."

Shirou looked at him dumbstruck.

"I'm raising your allowance to help you out. It's the quiet ones that are the most bold. I mean eleven! You just decided to go big." Raiga couldn't help but chuckle. "Okay, I'll calm my granddaughter down. You try to be a bit discreet. Lock the doors. Just make sure you treat the girls properly. Treat them with respect, treat them like ladies, and listen to their needs. It's not just about you."

Shirou couldn't help but twitch. '_This couldn't be happening_.'

Raiga tossed the bag in front of Shirou. "This just some walking around money me and my guys had on us. Consider it an early birthday present from us. Show the girls a good time. Don't get into trouble."

Raiga liked Shirou, even his guys liked Shirou. Shirou was a good kid and had been fixing their motorcycles for years saving them a lot of money.

"Anyway have fun."

Raiga got up and started to walk out, "Take care of him ladies." Raiga yelled out as he left.

They went to look at Shirou and he opened the back to find it filled with large bills.

"What?!" Shirou shouted, seeing more money there then he'd seen in his life.

"How is this walking around money?!"

Raiga and his men found themselves very generous when they heard Shirou had several women at his home. As for why they had that much money on hand was probably a question best left unasked.

Shirou was sure he could buy a house with that much money.

"Look at all this money!" Gunner grabbed a hand full of bills.

"It's' a good start." Temptress started to count some bills.

Shielder grabbed a handful and tossed some of it in the air. "Let's go shopping."

"I guess we should get you some clothes so you blend in better." Shirou mused out loud.

He took out the money to at least count it. He paused as he saw a box mixed with the bills. His eyes went wide when he realized that Taiga added a box of a hundred count condoms.

Shirou started to feel faint.

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><p><strong>Authors notes: I posted the first chapter last night before bed and woke up with 51 alerts of people reviewing, favoriting and following this story. Thanks. I hope you guys like this fiction. I just want to make this clear, don't take this story seriously! I think I didn't get that across, this isn't a serious story its supposed to be funny and absurd. I will break rules just for the fun of it. Like the grail making comments for no reason. Think of it like Carnival phantasm. I've been doing a lot of heavy plot and character stories and I just wanted one that was light. Each chapter will be small and funny and I won't update often, mostly when I need a break from the other stuff but I will update. I wanted to publish these chapters back to back. Some of you asked about other servants and I'm not saying they won't show up I have some ideas lets just see where they go. Anyway, until next time feel free to leave a review.<strong>


	3. Chapter 3: Shopping Trip

**Shirou Summons A Harem**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the fate series or any of its elements.**

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><p>Chapter 03: Shopping Trip<p>

It was still early in the morning so that probably made things better, since there were less people out that early.

The situation was this: since his servants would be around for a while they needed modern clothes. Luckily for Shirou he had just come into a large amount of money. So after breakfast they heading to go shopping. First thing was they needed clothes. So they made their way to a store filled with clothes and ignoring the looks they got on the way they started to shop.

After what seemed like hours Shirou found himself sitting on a chair as they continued to shop.

"This is amazing!" Lancer came over to Shirou holding a black top. "In my time if you wanted clothes this fitted you had to have your own tailor. Now each piece of clothing comes in several sizes. If one does not fit you get a bigger or a smaller one until you find the right one. I'm going to try it on."

Lancer raced into the changing room.

As it turned out Shielder seemed to be some sort of magus in her life time able to make some talismans to hide the servants more notable features. No one noticed tails, horns or ears just some strange outfits.

"Shirou!" Shielder called out. "This bra is fitting me weird! Can you come over and tell me what you think?"

Shirou went stiff hearing that. One of the store employee's monitoring the changing room glanced over at him with a judging look.

"Ah, no! That's the women's changing room. I can't go there." Shirou tried not to look at the employee.

In her changing room Rider didn't know how she looked in her new outfit. The blindfold certainly wasn't helping.

"Here you go." Caster said slipping her arm over the door and she was offering a pair of glasses. "Take these glasses and put them on your face. I've charmed them, it should help with your condition" She whispered. "Lady Medusa."

Rider paused for a moment, "You recognized me?" She took the glasses.

"Yes, I take it that Archer did as well." Caster told her.

"Atalanta." Rider told her. "We have met before too, Medea. Why not tell the others my name?"

Caster paused for a moment, "I take it the same reason Atalanta didn't say anything. We know your name was dragged through the mud for reasons you couldn't control. In fact it is the fault of the gods that sought to play with our lives. You were turned into a monster, I was turned into another sort of monster and Atalanta was turned into a lion. You shouldn't be judged for what you had no control over."

With that Rider placed the glasses over her face and she saw the modern world for the first time.

They needed a lot of clothes, basic dress clothes, under wear, sleeping clothes and alike. Shirou ended up paying for it with the money and the cashier gave him an odd look. He didn't know if it was because he was buying so many women's clothes or because he was paying with such big bills but he didn't like it.

In the end they bought enough clothes to fill several shopping bags.

Saber decided one a simple cute outfit of a white top with a blue tie and a blue skirt. Saver wore a similar outfit with a white top but a green skirt and tie that brought out her eyes. Rider went with a black sweater and pants combo. Lancer went with a white and black top with a frilly skirt. Caster with a black top and a blue jeans jacket. She had a beige skirt and some simple boots. Berserker wore a simple white dress with a flower like pattern at the hem. Gunner got a pair of white slacks, a black corset and finished the outfit with a red leather jacket. Temptress got a long elegant dress with a slit on the side, a rather expensive silk top that was rather low cut. She got a long elegant coat that seemed to hug her figure. Assassin had gotten a black suit, with a black shirt and matching black gloves. It actually suited her, Saber seemed interested in getting her own outfit but they didn't seem to have her size on hand. Shielder wore a bright blue sun dress that hugged her curves. Shirou wondered how she was comfortable with that airy dress in winter.

Still with their clothes they continued onto the day and headed out towards the shopping district.

0000

Luvia Edelfelt was waking in the shopping district as her butler went to gather food for dinner. She had little interest in shopping but she knew there was a store there that sold gems at a very reasonable price. She certainly had the money to buy much more expensive ones but at these prices she could buy so many more of these.

She had been in the city for weeks now as she prepared to join the holy grail war. Tonight she'd summon her servant and fight in this war.

That was when she spotted Shirou at a distance. A faint blush spread across her cheeks. She had developed a rather large crush on the boy. His arms were filled with shopping bags as he looked around.

She couldn't think it was a measure of her good fortune to run into him so randomly.

"Emiya!~" She called out to him.

"Hello." Shirou greeted to her. "Ah, you haven't seen any odd people around here have you?"

"No, I can't say I have."

When they arrived there Shirou lost his servants, they had all scattered drawn by different marvels of the modern world. He had been trying to find them. He found Saber and Saver at the food court enjoying frozen yogurt. He found Lancer trying out a karaoke machine. They had taken some money but he worried about what trouble they could get to. He would at least be more comfortable having an idea where they were.

"Darling Shirou~!" A voice called out to him.

Luvia turned to find a women with black hair and a black outfit walking towards him. Even Luvia would admit she was stunningly beautiful. She carried herself like a noble woman and she even had a wondrous aroma about her.

Luvia clenched her fist as she heard this woman call Shirou darling.

The woman held out a pink shopping bag from Victoria's Secret. "Look at this stunning outfit I found. How do you think it would look on me?"

She opened the bag and let Shirou look inside. Luvia's eyes bulged as she saw Shirou turned red faster that she thought was possible.

"Ah…Temptress, I think … you would … look great in it."

They continued to talk but Luvia didn't know Shirou could even speak English much call someone a temptress. Why would he call her that? Luvia couldn't help but wonder what their relationship was. Was this woman some sort of gold digger than found men and drained them of their money in turn for sexual favors? No! Luvia stopped that thought. Shirou wasn't well off and she wouldn't imagine them together. Luvia tried not image Temptress tying Shirou to a bed as they prepared to do various adult things. Her face turned red and her clenched fist turned white.

Luvia decided to move forwards and just ask. She was sure there had to be a simple explanation. Then she realized neither of them were there. They had left when she was trying not to visualizing them together and failing.

"Shirou?"

"They let a moment ago." A voice spoke behind her.

Luvia moved surprised not even sensing another person's presence around her. She found a young woman with long purple hair dressed in a black suit.

"Who are you?" Luvia questioned.

"That is none of your concern." She told her in an even tone. "What is your involvement in Shirou Emiya?"

"How is that any of your concern?" Luvia shot back.

"Shirou Emiya is my master and it is my first and for most duty to protect him. Be warned that if I so much as suspect that you mean him any harm I will put you down before you have a chance to regret it."

Luvia ground her teeth. She wondered how dare this woman threaten her, she was the Head of the Edelfelt family and a powerful magus. Even a skilled body guard would not stand a chance against her. Luvia paused, she wondered why Shirou had a body guard.

Luvia was about to turn her attention back to the women but she had vanished. She rubbed her temples and decided to walk towards the shop and get her gems. She had to have a clear mind for what she was getting into.

0000

Bazett had received a message from the Mage Association. They were informed by the church that all the servants had been summoned and no master had stepped forward to confirm it. The church usually handled registration but none of the masters that would fight in the war has called in about a summoning. Not only that but from what they could tell more than the usual number of servants had been summoned and they were all summoned around the same time.

The association was afraid that a group of magi had banded together to win the grail for themselves. Since Bazett had been sent to compete and now couldn't they asked her to keep her eyes on the city.

If it looked like someone was going to claim the grail to use for nefarious purposes or just expose magic to the world she was ordered to intervene. Otherwise let events unfold.

Bazett looked over to a metal tube case that held five metal balls.

Bazett remembered the reports of the fourth war, servants flying around the city getting mistaken for UFOs, explosions, serial murders, a giant demon summoned and it all result it a massive cataclysm that killed hundreds. She decided that she would find whoever was behind these servants and if she didn't like what she found she'd end it. She'd even use her killer ace if she had to.

0000

Luvia had done some shopping to clear her mind. She'd bought plenty of gems that she expected would help her through the war. Once the battle started it would be likely she'd have trouble getting more, she already had plenty at home but it was better to be safe than sorry.

As she left the store she ran into someone she would rather not.

"Hello Tohsaka." Luvia tried to sound polite.

"I am not in the mood to deal with you today." Rin crossed her arms tired already about this situation.

"Oh, have you already given up?" Luvia let out a laugh. "When your opponent is someone of my caliber it is understandable why someone might lose their will to fight. Tonight when I summon my servant I am sure to crush any and all those who dare stand in my way."

Rin stared at her blankly for a moment. "You do know that all the servants have already been summoned? Even I wasn't able to summon one in time."

"…."Luvia laughed. "Oh, please if you are going to try and fool me you could at least come up with a better ploy than that. I checked two days ago only one servant had been summoned."

"It's true." Rin lamented. "Somehow a total of 12 servants had been summoned and even as the head of one of founding families I couldn't get one."

"Poor silly girl." Luvia sighed for the girl. "I know you lack any true skill but at least have enough faith in yourself not to do worst than is even possible. It would be one things to miss your chance to summon a servant like my family had in the last war but with even more servants summoned than possible? Are you trying to garner pity from me. I am not cruel, when we fight I am sure to spare your life if you do not force my hand."

At that moment Luvia's butler approached. "My mistress, I received a message from the church."

He handed her a note where he wrote down the details. Though Luvia did have more understanding of the modern world than most magus for the most part she allowed her butler to handle the calls.

Luvia looked over the note. She blinked. "Shi!—"

0000

The grail sighed, "My word that girl has a filthy mouth. In my day young ladies didn't speak like that!" The grail sighed again. "Damn, I feel old. Can we get to some killing already! I need to be born and starting wrecking some stuff!"

0000

_Shirou was naked in bed only covered up by a red silk sheet. Eleven women wearing rather revealing outfits circled him. One woman was wearing black leather and her long purple hair cascading behind her started to pour honey on his well toned naked chest. As she got ready to lick it off his chest-_

"NO!" Sakura woke up from the dream she had.

She had to leave Archery Club early because everyone said she looked ready to faint. She went to her bed to rest but as she slept she was given such horrid dreams. Other women with her Shirou!

"No!"

0000

Down stairs Zouken whimpered as another outburst from Sakura made the whole house shake.

He was on the phone. "No, we didn't manage to summoned a servant either." The man sounded like a man who had just given up.

0000

Kirei Kotomine was having a pretty good day. He never liked Zouken so he enjoyed hearing that man have such a defeated tone. Rin's own outburst was fairly enjoyable. Luvia's call for clarification was a bit of an encore to that. He confirmed with Bazett that she had not summoned any servant. He even managed to contact a magus from the mage association that had been bragging about him becoming a master. That man's defeated tone pleased him a great deal. Everyone that had sent paper work into the church to register as a master had been adamant they had not summoned a servant. There was always the possibility of a wild card but none seemed to have shown up. Bazett had admitted to him that an enemy mage from the association had fought with her and died as a result. The priest couldn't help but wonder if he was supposed to be the missing seventh master.

Either way he still had a duty for the war to carry out. He wondered who claimed all the servants. In the end he couldn't wait to see what their wish would be. He could only assume it was something done by a group who wanted to summon as many servants as possible. Whoever was able to do such an act as summoning extra servants must have been desperate. He liked desperate people.

0000

Shirou and the others were walking back home. They had to make plenty of stops, with so many guests he needed several more futons and enough food to feed everyone for a while.

Caster did point out that they didn't truly need food or sleep but since they were not getting all the prana they need both could help in that even if only a little.

Then the servants had gotten other things they wanted, jewels, tools, wine, a bicycle, liquor, a karaoke machine, candy and so many other things. Shirou was still surprised they had so much money left.

So many things that each of them had to carry several bags.

Shirou was disappointed that he was little disappointed that he was actually carrying the least, even weakened the servants were far stronger than he was. He was also feeling very tired.

Rider was ridding her new bike as she easily carried along several bags. "Are you feeling tired Shirou?"

"Maybe a little, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night." He replied.

"That is to be understandable." Caster told him. "You are managing to supply all use with prana. Not very much but enough that we can all remain here. You will need to eat plenty and rest until I can find a way to get us more. It is actually a rather impressive feat that you've manage to supply this many servants at all."

Caster couldn't help wonder if her master was something special about her master.

Shielder nudged Shirou, "Yes, master once we eat we should go to sleep."

"Don't worry I plan to cook a big meal for all of us." Then he paused for a moment. "Wait, where are you all going to sleep?"

Shirou hadn't thought much about it.

"With you of course." Saber said it like it was the most obvious thing.

All the servants seemed to agree with the idea.

"Wait you can't mean-" Shirou started to blush.

0000

"SHIORU!" Somewhere in Fuyuki City the mighty Tiger roared as she sensed something was putting Shirou in a very risky position.

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><p><strong>Author's Notes: Okay another chapter. I hope you guys got a couple of laughs from it. Anyway since people keep bringing it up does anyone reading this want to be my beta for this story, if yes let me know through pm. Anyway, leave a review if you like and another chapter will be up when I need a little break from the rest of my things. In the next chapter we will deal with sleeping and Shirou's faulty magic.<strong>


	4. Chapter 4: Origin

**Shirou Summons A Harem**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the fate series or any of its elements.**

**Thanks to my beta Arrixam**

* * *

><p>Chapter 04: Origin<p>

They were at the dock where many shipping containers waited to be moved.

Saber held her invisible sword aloft defending a woman with silver hair and pale skin. She had a sense of innocence to her and something akin to nobility.

Before them stood a man with a gold and red lances.

A large red haired man in chariot laughed as a scared boy stood next to him trying to cower in the chariot.

He held his sword in the air, "I am the King of Conquerors, the Great Iskander!"

"You dare call yourself a king?" A gold man stood above them as several swords appeared around him in gold ripples of light. "I am the only true king here; I am the King of Heroes."

The man radiated with confidence and power if not sheer arrogance.

Then a new figure approached and all those present turn with both suspicion and dread.

"I AM THE KING OF THE MONSTER!" It was Shielder, who was wearing a rubber Godzilla costume with a hole in the neck letting her face pop out of it. "ROAR!"

…What?

0000

Shirou said, "What?"

What did she just say?

He blinked awake wondering why he had such a strange dream. It looked like Saber had been protecting someone akin to an older Ilya from some powerful opponents.

Shirou threw the idea away as he tried to adjust his self and get out of bed. However, he found a large clutter of extra weight kept him from moving. Suddenly, he remembered the position he was in. It was a rather compromising position.

Since all the servants were still afraid that Ilya would arrive with her Berserker to attack, they wanted to sleep near him. They placed all the futons on the floor and, in essence, made a futon floor.

They even planned out the positions they would sleep around him in case they were attacked. They settled that the door and the wall to the yard were the most likely points of entry. Near the door were Lancer and Saber to hold off Berserker with their close range tactic if he attacked on the opposite side Berserker and Saver were there ready. Archer and Gunner slept on the sides of the room to help provide with longer range attacks. Caster and Assassin slept next to them to help give Shirou cover should they need to run. Temptress and Rider slept next to Shirou to help him escape, and finally… Shielder slept on the one place she felt she should be….

…She was sleeping on top of Shirou.

Shirou tried to talk her out of it but she insisted stating, "I'm Shielder, the servant of Defense. I will use my own body as a shield to defend you should anyone try to harm you."

So Shirou woke up to Shielder on top of him nuzzling him in her sleep.

Shirou, to his credit, realized an issue would arise and slept on his stomach.

"Ah, Shirou~" Shielder mumbled as she nuzzled Shirou's back.

That didn't help much as he felt her press her body against his back and her arms wrapped around him.

Shirou found that one of his arms was somehow wrapped around Rider's waist pulling her towards him.

He groaned as he realized his other had been pulled away towards Temptress. That alone might not sound so bad but he realized that Temptress had pulled his arm right up to her chest and now she was holding it between her breasts.

As he felt his… problem arising Shirou tried to think of other things like a long cold shower.

"Why is my bed getting a little bumpy?" Shielder yawned out.

At that moment, Shielder reached down for whatever was making her bed uneven. Her hand had wrapped around him gripping his chest and slowly slide downwards to what was making her bed uneven. After a moment Shirou let out a rather shrill yelp.

0000

After an awkward morning, Shirou made everyone breakfast.

They weren't getting too much energy from sleeping or eating but until they could find another way to get the needed energy none complained.

Caster studied the shed that Shirou made into his workshop. He had allowed her to use it if she needed it.

She found it less than impressive even for a modern day magus.

What did interest her was that she found a magical circle on the floor of the shed.

For modern magecraft it was pretty good.

"I believe this is how you were able to summon us," Caster explained when she brought the others to the shed.

"I've never noticed that," Shirou admitted.

"It is connected to the nearby ley lines and used to gather power," Caster continued with her explanation. "It is rather unique— the reason to gather power seemed to be rather unique as well and without knowing why it was made I doubt I will be able to know exactly what it was meant to power. It does seem suitable for us."

Caster ran her finger around the edge of the circle and it started to glow.

"That's the good stuff." Gunner smiled as she felt some of the power start to fill her reserves.

"It won't fill our reserves all the way but it should prevent us from fading away and ease the stress on you. Whoever made this studied the cities ley lines well; it's drawing power in such a way so that it won't cause any harm from the people in the city or let us be detected for draining some power. It will even let us use more of our abilities should we not over-tax ourselves. I don't see any problems."

Saber was the one person there that knew why the circle was truly made but just thought fondly of the silver haired woman who left this circle that now helped her.

"If we spend most of our time in this house we should be fine." Caster told them. "We should draw what we need over time."

"You said this is how I managed to summon you?" Shirou asked her.

"Yes, there is something about this circle that seems to deal with the grail. The circle is just barely close to being a summoning circle to manage. I am guessing that those properties' function that deal with the grail and your own desperation cobbled together for this faulty summoning. Thus eleven random servants were summoned and without the proper vessels set for us we lost our ability to go into spiritual form. We are less heroic spirits than regular servants."

Shirou felt guilty thinking that it was his fault that they weren't as strong as they should have been.

Caster seemed to have guess this, "How would you like a lesson in magic?"

"Me?" Shirou asked her.

"If you improve a little it could be helpful in this war. Besides…" Caster spoke to him, "you either have some incredible luck or some potential talent. You did manage to use these random factors to summon not only a servant but more than should have been. That, or something is terribly wrong with the grail. But that is idea is laughable— even I can tell this ritual is incredible even for my age."

0000

"If you like Pina Coladas~ And getting caught in the Rain!" The Grail sang to itself. "If you are not into yoga~ Come with me and Escape!"

Considering the wishing artifact was singing Escape to itself, Caster might want to reconsider that last statement. Still, I will admit that is a pretty good Rupert Holmes song.

"That you like making love at midnight!"

It's a holy cup but it can't carry a tune.

0000

Zouken looked over at Sakura as she cooked something to take her mind off what was happening with Shirou.

"I'm the love that you've looked for~ write to me~ and escape."

Zouken was wondering why she was singing but he wasn't going to say anything.

0000

Gilgamesh was drinking fine wine in the pews to kill time until the war started up.

"I didn't think about my lady~ I know that sounds kinda mean. But me and my lady~ had fallen into the same old dull routine."

He turned to his left to find Kotomine reading the bible as he sang out loud. Gilgamesh stared in utter confusion as to why he was singing and the fact that it was really terrible singing. The priest didn't even seem to realize he was singing.

0000

Ilya was busy trying to figure out how Shirou managed the impossible. And she had several books open for her and her maids to study them, trying to figure out how Shirou did it and the identities of the servants. Berserker stood nearby, ready if he was needed.

"And though I'm nobody's poet~ I thought it wasn't half bad."

Sella stared at her tiny master in utter confusion why she was singing and why that of all songs… and just where would she have heard that song. Ilya didn't even seem to notice she was singing.

"I like this song." Leysritt nodded at the song. "A bit pitchy though."

Berserker just swayed to the song.

0000

Something wrong with the grail? Preposterous! Ha!

Anyway, Caster took Shirou to his room to see what he could do with his magic.

Shielder and Temptress joined her as they both claimed to have some ability with magic in life.

Shirou went over what he could do. It was fairly basic things. Temptress and Shielder looked over the projections he made, and they weren't good as they would break easily and were hollow. His tracing was top notch but not useful. Reinforcement was fairly good too. Temptress then picked up a knife that Shirou had managed to do a fairly good job on.

"You should be able to produce more prana…" Caster looked Shirou over. "Let's see… take me step by step on everything you do."

"Okay, first I start with trying to make a magic circuit."

0000

The others were waiting in the other room, watching the television.

"YOU IDIOT!"

Screaming was heard from the other room. They all rushed to the other room to see Shielder and Temptress holding Caster back as a magic mirror hovered before Shirou trying to protect him. It looked like Caster was ready to choke him.

"What is happening?" Saver was the first to question the situation.

"That idiot is just lucky!" Caster yelled before finally being let go.

"Caster, explain!" Saber told the witch.

"The reason his magecraft is so poor is that he's not been using his magical circuits. He's been forcing his nerves into makeshift circuits. It is risky! If he failed even once he could have paralyzed himself or outright killed himself!"

"Now, now, Caster," Temptress said in a soothing tone. "Don't scold him like that. If you kill him he will never learn and we all will all fade away soon."

If there was only one other master, she would need to take another servant when she could and just watch them all fade away and win the war.

"Take off your shirt," Temptress ordered him. "Do it now."

Shirou, after a moment of hesitation, did so.

Temptress placed her hands over his back. "When I was alive I studied many skills including magecraft as well as the human body." Her hand ran over his back gently and then roughly.

Shirou gasped as a felt a strange power flow through his body.

"There doesn't that feel good?" Temptress whispered to him. "I've woken up the circuits you neglected. I would say given a little time they should start getting stronger but don't force yourself; they are weak at the moment from disuse."

"Okay… can I put on my shirt now?"

"Not just yet." Shielder told him. As she stared at his chest a small amount of drool escaped her.

Rider was rather enjoying the ability to see at the moment. Saber and Saver were both found it hard to look at anything wasn't Shirou's tone chest.

0000

Caster took it upon herself to try to find Shirou's origin and element. She felt that it might be useful knowledge. The other servants sat around her and Shirou as she finished the test. She stared into the fog that seemed to form inside a simple crystal ball she had bought the previous day and modified.

"I'm still surprised you never found out your origin." Caster told Shirou.

"My dad said he wasn't all that skilled with magecraft and he got sick. It seemed like it kept him from using any magic." Shirou told her. "He did what he could for me until he died."

Caster paused for moment, remembering how her own father had been the one to teach her magic. Since that memory had a bad ending she decided to push the thought away.

Saber cleared his throat, "Caster, I am not all too familiar with magecraft. Could you explain what is to be gained from this test?"

"His origin could explain much about Shirou." Caster explained. "His magecraft is odd, I don't think it's simply a matter of lacking proper teaching… what skills he does have are very well tuned. I'm hoping that with his element and origin I might be able to better focus what I teach him. Some elements and origins make it difficult for people to grasp certain branches of magecraft but allow them to prosper in others."

"So you're saying I'm not focusing my magic in the right area?" Shirou asked.

"That is a possibility." Caster didn't want to get his hopes up since this was just a suspicion. It could be that he just didn't have any talent.

"Now don't ask for quick results." Caster told them. "There is every possibility that there might be some interpretation needed…" Caster got very quiet as she saw a word form in the crystal. "Your element and origin are in fact one and the same."

Lancer sighed, her tail swaying behind her, "Then say it. There is no need to build suspense."

"Sword." Caster said the one word. "They're both sword. That shouldn't be possible."

"Ah, that might explain what I felt this morning." Shielder mused more to herself than anyone else.

0000

The yard bloomed with life as the plants grew in what would take months happened in hours.

Caster had used some simple magic to make the grass grow along with plenty of flowers.

"Thank you." Berserker smiled at her as she leaned down by the flowers.

Caster was a little surprised that Berserker wanted flowers but saw no reason why not to aid her in this desire.

This servant of madness was actually rather innocent.

She had a lot to think of, she had no idea how she would help Shirou in his training since it meant he'd only have talent with magic dealing with swords.

As she sat down on the porch Shielder, Temptress, and Rider sat beside her.

"We all have some talent with magic." Caster began. "I think we might be able to accomplish something if we work together."

Temptress smirked, "Are you suggesting we form a coven?"

"If you want to call it that," Caster told her. "We are all weaker than we could be. If we pull our talents together we could accomplish more."

"Caster does make a good point," Rider had to admit.

"Together we should be able to create a strong bounded field to protect us and maybe a charm of some sort…"

Caster stopped talking when she realized that the three women before her were trying very hard not to laugh.

"What?"

At that moment she realized that Berserker had placed a flower crown on her. Any respect she might have had just vanished when they saw her with the flower crown.

Caster knew helping Berserker would likely have a downside but didn't expect to pop up so soon.

0000

Rin sat in the ruins of one of her rooms. As the head of the one of founding families she felt that she had a duty involving the grail. If she could not participate in the war than she would do something else. Maybe find out the identities of the masters who had yet to register. If she could uncover their identities and give them to the church it could help prevent any master from causing too much damage to the city. Or maybe figure out how they managed to get more servants than possible. Since all the last round of servants had been summoned at the same time she could only assume a group had set out to subvert the regular rules of the grail war. She would hate to think of a group of masters joined the war only to use the servants to cause trouble.

She hated the idea that someone outside one of the founding families could manipulate the grail like this. It couldn't be the Einzenbern master since not only did they summon earliest but if they could summon more they would have done so. It couldn't have been the Matou family since they would outright brag if they somehow managed it.

Using some paper her family had about the grail, Rin tried an experiment to tap into the grail to gather some information. From what she had gathered, the Matou had used a similar method to note things about the grail before. The church also had used something like this method to gather information when a servant was summoned and killed.

The experiment resulted in less than favorable results.

She had gone through a chunk of her gems and destroyed a room.

Rin let out a tired sigh, "If I had managed to summon a servant this wouldn't have happened."

Somewhere out there the Counter Guardian EMIYA laughed.

* * *

><p><strong>Authors Notes: Okay, here is another chapter. I'm hopping this gets me into writing another chapter of my fate story. By the way I got a beta for the story so everyone welcome Arrixam to this story. Anyway I hope you all enjoyed this chapter maybe got a chuckle from it.<strong>


	5. Chapter 5: New Swords

**Shirou Summons A Harem**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the fate series or any of its elements.**

**Thanks to my beta Arrixam**

* * *

><p>Chapter 05: New Swords<p>

After a few hours working in the shed Caster, Temptress, and Shielder came out carrying items for Shirou. The three of them had the Item Construction skill. Rider had her own skill that she used on the circle they found in the shed in hopes that they would be able to gather more power from the circle, but anyway ignore that for now.

It did help gather a bit more power and it helped them forge the items quicker. After learning what Shirou's origin and element was they decided there was one sort of thing that could help him. It also helped that Caster bought a lot of stuff earlier.

Meanwhile, Shirou and the other servants gathered at the porch looking at the items.

"Swords?" Shirou questioned why the servants would bring him swords.

"Isn't it obvious?" Caster told him. "Your talent is related to swords so we created you mystical codes in the form of swords. It will certainly make it easier for you to perform some magic. At least until I can train you a little more you will have a chance to defend yourself."

Caster handed him a Kopis sword, it was a one handed sword that was common in her time. Shirou held it for a moment noting its single cutting edge and strong grip. The handle was simple in design with a black and blue pattern. On the bottom of its hilt had a small red ruby.

"I call it Fate Cutter." Caster began to explain. "It can do the same thing any normal sword can do but thanks to my skills it can do more. First by channeling prana into it you can increase not only its durability but its sharpness."

"Like when I reinforce something?"

"Yes, I might have borrowed some of your blood to make it adjust to your own skills."

"Wait, when did you do that?" At which point Shirou noticed a band aid on his neck.

"Hold it and think of another blade type while you focus some prana into it."

Shirou did so thinking of a chinese blade he once saw in a school trip to a museum.

In his hands the blade glowed and changed into the same blade shape.

"Wow!" Shirou let out.

Caster smiled, "This will give you a wider range of fighting styles."

Shirou let the blade change back to its natural form.

Caster continued, "Focus your power towards the image of a ruby."

Shirou followed her instructions. The blade now became a transparent reddish crystal like material.

"In this state," Caster told him. "You can use the blade to deflect spells and curses. Once you get used to it we can practice with some minor spells. It should be helpful fighting off other magi. Though be careful when dealing with powerful spells. Finally in this state you can strike someone with the sword without causing any real harm."

"What do you mean?"

"You've made it clear you do not want to fight but you might have to so I discovered a middle ground for you needing to take a life. In this state Fate Cutter will not physically harm anyone, any slashes or thrust will be felt but will not transfer in physical harm it will most likely just stun them or render them unconscious."

"My turn!" Shielder chirped as she held out her own sword.

Shirou put Caster's blade to the side and took Shielder's sword. Shirou held the sword in his hand, it was light and was warm. It was a tachi, a sword type that actually predated the Katana. It had a long slender blade with a slight curve to it. The handle was a red and orange and had symbols for the sun on it. The blade shone, it was clean and reflective like Shielder's mirror.

"It is super strong." Shielder held her head up broadly. "With my skills as Shielder I made it so it's not just a sword but a shield. Whenever you block an attack with it the blade becomes super hard; it should be able to deflect anything that hits it. Anyone with a sword that hits it will have to easily double— no, triple their effort into the attack to get even a little reward. They get tired and use up all their energy so the fight just gets easier for you."

"That's pretty cool." Shirou had to admit.

"That's not all."

Shielder got off the porch where they were sitting and ran out into the yard and started to pick up rocks. After they had a handful she signaled Shirou.

As she got ready she told him, "Channel your prana into the sword and swing it when I throw them at you."

Shirou nodded and then she tossed all the stones at him. Shirou wasn't sure if he as supposed to try and knock them away or what but did what he was told.

As the stones flew at him he swung his newly acquired blade and the blade started to glow red. A wave of hot air burst forth from the slash igniting the air hitting the sword all at once. The stones actually boiled and quickly heated up until they became gaseous. The flames all vanished.

"Ta-dah!" Shielder cheered. "I call that the heat shield. It's stronger in the day but it should be plenty strong at night. When you slash at the air at any attacks it burns up anything you might think of a threat. Rocks, arrows, people." Shielder shrugged. "I call this sword the Taiyo Furea Blade because it can make and focus flames equal to the power of the sun. If you need to cut anything you can even heat the blade at will and just cut through a bolder like it was melting butter."

Anyone getting Star War flashbacks? Vader? No? Just me?

Anyway, Sith Lord Emiya…. I mean Shirou gazed at the weapon in amazement, "That is so cool."

"No, it's hot. That's the point." Shielder teased.

"I believe mine might be more prudent." Temptress held out another sword.

The other servants seemed to be wary of it. It was an odd looking sickle sword. The handle seemed to be made of ivory and ebony. The blade looked a lot like the blade of a common machete but shape-wise where it should have been a flat back it had an inner curve that like its name sake sickle. The blade didn't seem to be made or normal metals from his guess Shirou might have thought they were stones. Most of the blade seemed to be a white while the inner curve sickle part was pure black.

"Drink this first." Temptress handed Shirou a small vial.

Shirou took and without hesitation drank it.

A couple servants looked at him wondering why he didn't even ask what was in the vial.

"What was that?" Gunner asked.

"Antidote to some poisons I've made." Temptress said casually.

"Why?" Berserker questioned.

"I have talent for poisons and— because they often go along with them— antidotes to those poisons. The blade is not metal nor stone, it is solidified and hardened poisons."

Temptress had issues when making not poison items so she found a way around, also she had a bit of help.

Temptress continued, "The white part of the blade is a weak poison, a cut from it will cause whoever was cut by it to lose their vitality and strength. It will affect them quickly in a few moments they should pass out. I would say without the antidote it would take hours to a day to recover from it." Temptress smiled. "The black portion is a much more potent poison."

Shirou was almost scared of what it did. "What does it do?"

"Darling, don't worry." She said in a teasing tone. "I understand you'd rather avoid killing. The poison is powerful not necessary lethal." She wielded the sword in her hand. "The black portion is interesting. If someone is cut with that section the poison will affect them very quickly, bringing on paralyzes, pain and a few other nasty side effects. Still it's not lethal, an average person of this day and age will like be ill for several days from it. Of course with treatment from today's doctors it shouldn't cause any sort of death. Well…."

"Well what?" Shirou asked.

"I gaged the poison for a person of this age, a child might not fair too well from a cut or any small animal for that matter."

"What would happen if someone small was cut by the dark part of the blade?"

She smiled and carefully nicked a nearby flower with the sickle part of the blade. The flower began to whither and grow pale before collapsing onto the ground.

"Like any weapon it must be respected." Temptress held the blade to her master. "It is no more evil than any other weapon, it is how you use it that matters. It can certainly end a fight much quicker and prevent pain in the long run."

She smiled at Shirou held the sword.

"I call it the Viper Sword, use it well."

Shirou now had three magical swords as mystic codes made for him by three mages from the age of gods. Now there was a clear issue at hand.

"Do you even know how to use them?" Lancer asked him.

"I'm probably better with a bow than swords but Fuji-nee has been sparring with me in the dojo for years. I don't know how much it helps, her Tora-shinai in her hands is too much for anyone to handle. So I at least have some idea on how to defend myself."

"I think we can help with that." Saver spoke up. "Both myself and Saber seem well versed with swords."

"Yes, I would be happy to spar and train with you." Saber added,

"I am doubtful we could make you into a master of sword in short time but we could show you how to wield your new blades in a safe and more skilled manner." Saver smiled at him.

"Yes, your dojo would be the perfect place to spar." Saber told him.

Though all their servants hoped that it wouldn't come to it, Shirou knowing how to defend himself spoke to their benefits.

0000

Rin was looking through the notes of the grail's designs and the history her family had left her.

"There were 15 classes total." Rin read out loud. "Besides the seven standard class there was also Ruler class. A meditator class that would be summoned by the grail in times of need. The grail was adjusted to summon only western heroic spirits and adjusted to make sure only noble spirits were summoned. This action would naturally prevent several classes from being summoned."

"Like Avenger the class for antiheroes. The temptress class was discarded for similar reason and the fear that they might seduce their masters and ultimately take control of them. The Gunner class was discarded because the founders believed that rifle and pistol wielding heroes were few and often thugs and not suited for a war between noble magi."

"Other class such as Saver, Shielder and Alter Ego were discarded because their inherent skills would not be suited for battles and would likely lack the power to defeat our servants. The Shielder class lacked offensive abilities as it focused on defense. The Saver class would likely only be interested in ending the battles peacefully. The Alter Ego class being the class that ignored the old way and had often hid their identities to create other personalities would likely be hard to control and not worthy of trust."

"The other classes were still ingrained into the grail though blocked, the Einzenbern faction did find a loop around to summon Avenger in the third war." Rin looked over the notes. "If you take out Ruler that leaves only 13 servants that could be summoned." Rin looked at the notes. "Okay, here is number 14."

0000

The magus from the mage association had snuck into the church. After bragging about being chosen as a master he couldn't go back without at least trying to summon a servant again.

Since the church was one of the places with a convergence of ley lines he thought it would be great to try there. The other three spots were not as ideal, the park was tainted by the last war, the Tohsaka Manor was not ideal as he would never be allowed into it, and the temple would have monks living there and he would prefer avoid people.

He waited until the priest left to run errands and snuck in. Since it was a working church their defenses were only active if there was an attack.

Inside he made sure no one else was there and then at the altar unraveled a mat to reveal a summoning circle.

He wanted to be quick about it. He started to chant and hoped it would work.

0000

Saber and Saver were in the dojo with Shirou trying to teach him to fight using the wooden training swords he had there. It usually ended with him struck by the wooden blades.

"You are still leaving an opening on your left side." Saber scolded him.

The other servants watched on. Suddenly they all froze as they felt something.

They all quickly raced out side and Shirou followed. They arrived to find an intense light radiating from the shed.

"Maybe I shouldn't have tried to add Blood Fort Andromeda into the circle." Rider mumbled to herself, she had modified it a bit hopping to get more power out of the circle and the ley lines.

0000

The Grail moaned, "Oh, thank you. Finally we can get that block out of the way. It's been bugging me for days. Let's get things rolling!"

0000

"Ah!" Shirou screamed as pain filled his torso.

"I'll help." Shielder ripped of Shirou shirt off, which is what the third one that weekend.

On his back more command spells began to form.

Suddenly with an explosion smoke escaped the shed.

"I, Avenger, by your summoning come forth. Are you my master?"

A figure stumbled out of the shed.

"Ah, again?" Shirou asked. As a new set of command seals formed in the shape of a scabbard on his back.

The smoke cleared to reveal an armored figured had a helmet over their face concealing their identity. But the servants could tell it was glaring.

"FATHER!"

"Shirou! Why didn't you say anything?!" Shielder questioned, horror aghast on her face. "You have a child?!"

"What?"

Yeah, what?

"Mordred…" Saber whispered as she summoned her invisible blade.

Just in time too as Avenger pulled out their blade and raced at her. Both blades collided and both servants crashed into the house.

The other servants barely managed to dodge the attack. Shielder had pinned Shirou to the floor and protected him.

0000

Nothing happened in the church and the magus gave up when the circle started to glow. Something felt wrong when he realized the Grail wasn't pouring power into it.

0000

"What the hell?!" The Grail yelled. "Someone is hacking my business. Who's doing this?!"

0000

Kirei was at the Church door when he felt a power in the church. It was too late to act as the windows and doors exploded outwards and shot him backwards. Blackness consumed him as he heard a laugh.

"Ha! Haha! I will not be bound so easily! No one not even God will bind me."

0000

A few rooms were ripped apart as Saber summoned her armor. They fought furiously and Saber managed to land a hit knocking off the helmet. With the helmet gone it revealed a similar face as hers.

"Mordred." Saber said.

Avenger glared. "Father."

Even the mundane could feel the power coming off their blades as they readied their attacks. The floor cracked beneath them as they rushed towards each other.

"Stop! Don't fight each other!" Shirou yelled as he raced into the room as two of his command seals vanished.

Both servants felt their bodies fight against them stopping them. The other servants arrived with their weapons pointed at the new comer.

A Japanese sword was leveled at Avenger's neck.

"Make your next action a carefully thought one. Your first action better not be to betray our new Master."

"Am I the only seeing things?" Lancer held her spear confused. "Anyone else seeing three sabers?"

"I don't believe so." Archer readied her bow. "I too see three."

There was Saber, Avenger who looked like Saber, and a Japanese woman that looked like Saber.

"I am Servant Alter Ego, at your service." The New Servant introduced herself.

She had short blonde hair, she wore a Taisho style sakura pink kimono consisting of a Hakama and long leather boots. She had a dark ribbon bow in her hair.

Shirou scratched the six command seals that formed on his back, Alter Ego sealed her contract at the same moment that Avenger had.

"Okay, I'll say it." Shielder spoke up. "Are we going to talk about why this red saber called blue saber father?"

0000

At the Temple the monks fled as it seemed flames touched the top of the temple steps. Maybe it was a fire work gone rough or something so they went to get water to put it out. As the left the flames vanished and someone stood in its place.

A blonde woman held out a red sword. She wore rather revealing red outfit. "If I was summoned as Ruler why I have I been summoned with a sword? No matter." She waved it off, she paused. "Why cannot I not return to spiritual form?"

She climbed down the stairs to look for the perfect place to make her base.

0000

"Bastard!" The grail screamed. "I accidentally summon all the servants in seven vessels, I miscounted, and even send them to one guy. My mistake, and they don't even go all the way to him until more power from the guy and that circle comes my way. Then someone overwrites my attempt to summon a Ruler and pushes them into one of the shared vessels. So now they are running around like a Ruler while my Ruler is sharing a weak link between me and mister not using my harem! DISAPPOINTING! The moment I get out of this I am going to fry that sucker. Who was it anyway?"

0000

Rin continued to read the notes. "Originally a class meant to summon heroic beasts or creatures the founders quickly realized that it might be the most dangerous class. While in theory it would be possible to summon phantasmal beasts, noble steeds or noble non-human beings there was the higher possibility it would summon something truly evil. That is why the Beast class was locked away with even more fear than the other classes. Even removed from the knowledge given to the servants."

Rin gulped as her ancestor feared they might summon a demon with the grail. She feared what demon could qualify for the legendary status.

0000

Bazett had arrived at the church when she heard what happened.

She spoke to person who she considered a friend, "What happened?"

She glanced over to where the rescue workers were carrying out the dead body of a Magus she had seen before. She moved over to the priest at the ambulance.

"Are you all right, it's a miracle that you survived." Bazett spoke worriedly.

"God blesses the righteous." The fake priest told her.

The truth was that the heart the grail gifted him would keep him alive as long as the heart wasn't destroyed.

"What happened?" She asked.

"I do not know. I arrived and then the windows and doors were blown out."

"It looked like something blew a hole through the roof too." The enforcer told him.

He hid a smile. "It looks like a servant is trying to get an advantage of the situation and take out the moderator."

"Don't worry I will find who's behind this." Bazett promised him.

Kirei hoped this would make things more interesting, he hoped Gilgamesh would return soon from his drinking trip to tell him the rest. In the meantime, the church would be closed to visitors as they repaired.

0000

Caster studied the command seals, two of the new ones that formed on his back had vanished leaving faded marks.

On his chest it looked like a new set was about to form but didn't, maybe it was just a bruise from when he was pushed to the ground for protection.

"Can I put my shirt on?" Shirou asked.

"Ah, yes, go head." Caster blushed as she realized she was staring at his chest.

Anyway, Saber revealed that she was the King Arthur of legend and that Avenger was Mordred. They also both admitted to being born female.

As for the whole father thing they all decided not to ask questions.

"So, Saber, Saver, Avenger and Alter Ego?" Gunner questioned. "Why do you all look so much the same? I understand two of you are family, Saver and Alter Ego don't seem to be. Do you all have a relative that got around?"

"Not to my knowledge." Alter Ego replied.

They were eating dinner that Shirou had made for them. Cooking always calmed him and he found that it brought peace to his home.

Avenger ate away at her food, she seemed to be enjoying but gave untrusting glares at Saber. Saber for her part gave an occasional cold glance at her look-alike.

During the shopping trip they had gotten extra clothes and a few magical adjustments made them perfect for the new servants. She wore a white tube top, a red jacket and a pair of cut off jean shorts.

Alter Ego, whom everyone decided to call Alter because it was easier, had also picked out a modern outfit. She wore a cute pink top and long black skirt, with modern boots and black knee socks.

The air had been tense ever since the whole attempted murder.

Shirou in what could be described as his wisdom decided to speak, "You two aren't going to fight again are you?"

Both servants turned their gaze to him, Saber was the first to speak, "We aren't able to. Your command seals holds. You commanded us not to fight one another and so we cannot."

Avenger half thought and killing Shirou for all that but he did make a good dinner so she figured he could let him live for a little longer at least.

Avenger finally spoke, "I'm guessing that we're all his servants. Are we actually fighting anyone in this war?"

…A quick recap of the situation with Ilya and Berserker later.

"A little girl and her giant?" Avenger questioned.

"The giant is the Hero of Greece." Rider corrected.

"As we seem to be lacking in power," Assassin spoke in her usual calm tone. "It make more sense for us to fight as a unit."

Avenger would like to argue with it but she had to admit she felt weak at the moment.

"I'll start cleaning the dishes." Shirou told them. "Tell me when you're done. I think I'm going to bed early." He felt sore and tired and he took it the effects of having another two servants summoned.

"Yes, let's go bed." Shielder quickly agreed with him.

"Do you all sleep together?" Alter asked confused.

"Sleeping together is the best option." Archer told her. "It is the best means to protect Shirou and ourselves from a possible attack."

"And it does help replenish some of our prana." Caster admitted.

Avenger shrugged. "I guess I don't mind, plus I could use more energy." At which point she took off her jacket and started to take off her top.

"Whoa!" Shirou blushed.

"Hold it cow girl!" Shielder covered his eyes.

Caster started to blush furiously.

"We meant literally sleep with him." Berserker clarified.

"Have a little more modesty." Saber scolded Avenger.

"I think it's a little late for you to be trying to a parent." Avenger spat back.

"Come now." Alter tried to keep things peaceful. "If we are to live together we should try to get along."

"I make no promises, mother." Avenger turned away.

Alter couldn't help but smirk a little at that.

Rider quirked an eye brow and asked Lancer, "If Alter is the mother and Saber is the father what does that make Saver?"

"If Avenger is the unruly son then I think Saver would be the daughter." Lancer thought about it for a moment.

Shirou took a deep breath he had a feeling tomorrow would be an even longer and more tiring day especially if he was going to school.

0000

Taiga was worried. Raiga had convinced her to trust that Shirou was a good boy and one worthy of their trust and he wouldn't do something stupid like lose all his money. Still she panicked.

"He's still doesn't have a tom boy. I guess Issei is the boy-love option. He's so close to having a full balanced harem!" Taiga yelled. "Kiritsugu! I failed you!" She cried to the heavens. "I didn't raise him right. Is there nothing I can do? No, but there might be another."

With that Taiga raced to small closet she had made into shrine to the hero she had worshipped since she was young.

In the walls of the closet were covered in pictures of a Japanese man wearing typical white martial artist Gi with a black belt. He had tall wild black hair and a stern looked on his face.

In front of the main picture was a…. Sega Saturn. Yeah, the game console.

Taiga yelled. "Segata Sanshiro! Please listen to me! Protect Shirou! Help him become a good man! Keep him safe and from doing anything stupid."

Raiga stared at his granddaughter, he wondered why she worshipped the mascot for a game console. Also how she got a Sega Saturn, he didn't think they sold that many.

Then he was a little disappointed in Taiga, "The Nintendo 64 was better."

"Shut up gramps!" Taiga yelled at him.

"You love your Game Cube!"

"That's not the point. Segata is the best!"

"He couldn't beat Club zombies."

"Zombies are hard to beat! He was dating Sakura from Sakura Wars! So he wins!"

"He was killed by the Nintendo Missile!"

"Segata Lives!"

Somehow this family was weirder than all the stuff that was happening in Shirou's home.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes: I don't even know what happened there at the end. I wrote it while watching death battles. Anyway, hope you liked the chapter. A few notes, stuff will happen more servants might be summoned at which point nothing will make sense. Probably, I'm making this story as I go. Second, I mentioned it like the first or second chapter that I only write this when I have a block and need something easy and fun to write so please be patient. Any who tell me what you think. And see you all next time.<strong>


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